What do you do when you are angry with yourself?
What do you do when you are angry with a family member? A close friend?
When I was younger, I used to take any anger I felt on myself. If I did something that I was not proud of, or worse yet actually ashamed of, I would choose some passive aggressive method of hurting myself, which often ended up in a cycle of self anger. If I was angry at a friend or a family member, I would lock it inside, until it either turned on myself, or I could no longer contain it. Then I would probably blow up … unfortunately one of my immediate family members getting the brunt of it. In general I did not have much of a temper. I rarely actually got angry at my friends, though I can’t say it never happened. The only people I generally found anger for were myself … and my immediate family on occasion, because they KNOW how to push my buttons. That and the undefined but world-renowned group called THEY, the ones who are responsible for every incomprehensible injustice in the world. This internalized anger, combined with the mysterious enemies that are to blame for what I could not really take responsibility for, meant that much of my youth was severely lacking in comfort of mind. Though few could actually tell. This mental discomfort translated into a general dissatisfaction with life and the world around me. I was quite the rebel in those days, because I perceived so much just plain WRONG with the world.
Those of us who want to change the world for the better really have a tough battle. Not because the world is such a horrible place, but because the first obstacle is our own hearts and minds. For that matter, ANYONE who seeks happiness, love and peace … has to learn to look to themselves first. Part of the reason that such ideals are so hard to find in this world is plain and simply because most of us start looking in the wrong place. If we really want change in the world, we need to start with ourselves. How can we expect others to love us if we do not even love ourselves? How can we expect others to be peaceful if we are not able to find peace in our own hearts and minds?Look closely at how you deal with yourself when you make a mistake. Look at how you treat those close to you when something goes wrong. Can you say you are proud at how you reacted? Once we all have the ability to forgive ourselves and those we love, only then can we truly teach the world the way to peace and love. If we cannot find that strength in our own hearts, how can we expect that others will do the same? If we all had such peace of mind and heart; such self-love … then the world would be a very different place. Yet it isn’t. So what can we do?
Be the beacons. Be the guide. Love ourselves first. Find peace in our own hearts. That way we can show others how it can be done. Peace and love starts with ourselves.